It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
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And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm really busy with my period
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