Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
