Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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