Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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