I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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