I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
