I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
two words...techno handjob
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
