I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
