Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
