ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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