She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
