I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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