Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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