You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
