She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
