I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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