What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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