Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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