he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
