look no pants
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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