FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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