Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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