Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
