I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
This baby is an asshole
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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