I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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