The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
