this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
