if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
