38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
