I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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