Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
