I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
how do you play pong handcuffed?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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