im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
