he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
