Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
