Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
