I'm eating all of the evidence.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
