drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
