Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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