She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize