I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
