I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
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I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
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You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha