Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
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She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
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So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..