Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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