I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.