I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
