Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
