I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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