I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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