Duck Duck Cougar?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
