sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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