just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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