we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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