Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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