How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
