And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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