just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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