I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
