I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Randomize
