I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
