My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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