I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
