he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
