you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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