I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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