and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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