I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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