Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
