What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
