If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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