Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
