hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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