my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
meet me or not, i'm out of control
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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