Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
