addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
