My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
