...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
