Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
